Living with an addicted spouses can be complicated and painful, and blurring the line between supporting and enabling their addiction is easy to do. It’s important to understand the difference in loving them and being supportive of them versus allowing them to continue with their unhealthy behaviors. Set clear boundaries and expectations, and make sure that you have a plan to ensure you own safety and that of others living in the house. Finally, don’t neglect to take care of yourself. It’s easy to get caught up with caring for somebody that is going through recovery or addiction, but you have to take care of your own health as well. Addiction can take a toll on all family members. Hopefully, with the right resources and support, you can help your spouse start their recovery.
Living with an Addicted Spouse: Loving and Supporting without Enabling
Supporting vs. Enabling
When living with an addicted spouse, it’s important to understand the difference between supporting and enabling them. Going through addiction and recovery is an intensive process. It can be painful and difficult. Your spouse will probably need your help in many ways. However, if you find yourself neglecting your own personal care or making excuses for them, it can be enabling behavior. Additionally, if you fail to set healthy boundaries for yourself or allow them to neglect responsibilities, you might be enabling their addiction.
Set Boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries is an important aspect of living with an addicted spouse. Boundaries allow you to set expectations of how you expect your spouse to behave and treat you. They allow you to have some control in an otherwise chaotic environment. For example, you might set a rule that if they fall off the wagon and begin drinking or using drugs, that they’ll have to stay elsewhere until they are clean again. Boundaries protect your mental health as well as your safety.
Ensure Safety
Safety is an important thing to think about when dealing with an addicted spouse. Especially if they are belligerent or unpredictable when they are using. If their behavior escalates into abuse, you need to have a plan to keep yourself safe. Additionally, you’ll want to protect your children not only physically, but also emotionally from seeing their parent struggling with addiction.
Take Care of Yourself
When helping an addicted spouse, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and lose your own sense of self. A recovering addict needs a lot of help, and it can be difficult to prioritize your own needs above them. Take time for yourself, and don’t be afraid to step away for a little while if you need a break. Enlist help from friends or family to help out with things like childcare or household chores if you are feeling drained.
Living with an addicted spouse can be a struggle, and you might experience set-backs along the way. Be patient and try to remember that recovery is not a straight line. But if you and your spouse can work together, hopefully, they can achieve their goals and begin living a sober and healthy life. Don’t allow their struggle to overwhelm your life by setting clear boundaries and taking time for yourself. Put your safety and the safety of your children above everything else, and have an escape plan if things escalate. Finally, learn ways to support your partner without enabling their addiction. Hopefully, together, you can begin a journey to recovery that will lead to a much healthier and happier future.